ADHD and relationships is a topic that is not talked about enough in the context of what I call “ADHDland.”
I feel I can talk about this because I have been trained specifically to coach ADHD couples and I coach ADHD couples all over the country. Some in person and others over the phone.
We work in different ways. Sometimes it is all couple work and other times some of it is couple work with additional individual work with both partners separately or just one partner needs individual coaching to augment the couple coaching. Usually it is the ADHD affected partner that needs the additional individual coaching but not always.
Usually the ADHD affected partner realizes that change needs to happen because they have heard it many times from their nonADHD partners. Sometimes it gets to the point of threats such as “if you don’t do something I am getting a divorce.”
What the nonADHD partner wants is the ADHD partner to change and lose their negative ADHD characteristics but still remain the person they were originally attracted to. This can be problematic since sometimes some of the more “iffy” ADHD characteristics were what attracted them in the first place.
What is also often surprising is that it is not just the ADHD person who needs to adjust. Actually, as the saying goes “it takes two to tango.” Both partners contribute to what is going on so both of them need to make adjustments not just the ADHD partner. This is sometimes a shocker to the nonADHD partner and they can be resistant just as the ADHD partner can be resistant to change.
Over the month of February I will discuss these issues and many more. No one comes out unscathed and no one comes out smelling like a rose.
Abigail Wurf, M.Ed, CLC
ADHD and Executive Functions Coach
Abigail Wurf works with adults, couples and parents affected by ADHD or executive function issues (see definition below) in a coaching and/or consulting capacities. Her clientele also includes college and graduate students struggling to make it through their programs.
She conducts workshops and speaking presentations on executive function issues such as productivity, planning, prioritizing, goal setting, time management, task initiation, emotional regulation, focus, meta-cognition, working memory, self inhibition and flexibility/shift.
Abigail’s work also includes presentations on ADHD, specific executive functions or theories of executive functions, invisible disabilities, resiliency and motivation.