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As an ADHD coach and consultant, I help professionals, entrepreneurs and small business owners move forward and achieve success in their professional and personal lives. Therefore, I have many ways of helping people get things done, take action even when they either don’t want to or don’t know what actions to take and when they are so overwhelmed that paralysis sets in. You might think that this would result in me being always able to take action, get things done and never feel overwhelmed. That would be so very false. Last Wednesday the manuscript of my book was due to my copy editor. I have been working on the book since July 2014, 8 months. And some of the material had already been written before I even had the idea for the book. So I had a good jumpstart when I began. Do you think I got the manuscript in on Wednesday? That would be a no. Thursday? Also, a no. Friday? Yes, under threats by my copy editor that I would miss having any books at my first book festival if I didn’t get the manuscript to her by Friday. What is the point of paying to have a booth at a book festival without having any books? How did I manage to suddenly get the manuscript done? PRESSURE = STIMULATION = FOCUS = ACTION When the threat came of not having my book for the book festival, the reality of a true deadline became clear resulting in pressure. Pressure stimulates the brain that gets the chemicals pumping. The chemicals help us focus, once focused we are able to take action. Question: Are there ways when you need to get something done and are struggling that you can simulate the formula above to get you moving? Abigail Wurf, M.Ed, PCC

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ADHD and Executive Functions Coach Are you overwhelmed? A procrastinator? Have trouble completing tasks? Beginning projects? Fulfilling your obligations? Are you often late? Do you have difficulty with prioritizing what to do when? Whether you have diagnosed ADHD or not, you are struggling and I can help through one-on-one coaching, exclusive small group coaching, mastermind groups, self-directed programs, webinars/teleseminars, workshops and talks. Use the contact form on this website to find out how I can help you move your life forward to your definition of success.  

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Credibility Banks

I ask my clients to envision two banks: one is their professional credibility bank and the other is their personal credibility bank. Both banks’ balances are extremely important for people affected by ADHD. Without any credit in the banks, we have less flexibility with our friends and colleagues. But, when we have good credit, high balances in our bank accounts, we have room to maneuver. Let me explain.

Professional Bank

For example, in a work situation when you have been late to work often and haven’t finished projects on time, your professional credibility bank’s balance is probably low. So, it is not surprising when you ask to leave early on a Friday, the request is denied. You haven’t earned it. There is not enough balance from which to withdraw credits so you may leave early that Friday.

However, if you are consistently punctual and finish your projects on time, you will gradually earn a little credibility with your coworkers and supervisor. They will see your efforts and esteem you more for it. Here is where many people with ADHD falter. They believe this level of commitment should earn them a lot of credibility, even though everyone else also gets to work and finishes projects on time. That is the job. It doesn’t matter that it takes extra effort on our part. If we arrive at work in a timely fashion, get our work in on time and do something extra for the company or boss now and then, we earn those extra credibility points. The balance in our credibility bank shoots up, and it is more likely that we will be able to leave early on a Friday afternoon.

We misinterpret that completing what is required of everyone is deserving of extra credit. But, going beyond basic expectations is where you build up credibility. Our struggles are our personal problems. We gain more respect if we just do the work rather than explain why it is a big triumph when we succeed with meeting the basic expectations.

But don’t forget, you choose how to go about exceeding the basic expectations. The smart way is to use your strengths and what is unique about you. Determine what you do well that fits in with your organization’s goals and do something extra related to that to earn credibility.

The key to building credibility

One of the reasons we struggle with building credibility is because we are not great at thinking ahead or anticipating future needs. We live in the moment. Dr. Ned Hallowell, who co-wrote two of the best-known books about ADHD, puts it like this, “There is now and not now,” for people affected by ADHD. It is necessary for us to force ourselves to think past the “now” to consciously develop credit in both our professional and personal banks. It is almost certain that we will need that credit in the future, so we must keep building up credibility.

The first time I read Studs Terkel’s book Working, I was in college studying how oral histories were written about American labor history. Working, perhaps Terkel’s best-known book, is based on the three years he spent talking with people in all sorts of occupations. It was published in 1972, and its subtitle explains it all: “People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do.”

I have never forgotten a quote from the last page of the book’s introduction. A woman named Nora Watson said, “I think most of us are looking for a calling, not a job. Most of us, like the assembly line worker, have jobs that are too small for our spirit. Jobs are not big enough for people.” – Page xxiv

In my family, we did not simply have jobs or careers. Each person had a cause. Work was a fight for the good of others based on what we believed were societal inequalities. As I recall both my mother’s and father’s seemingly dissimilar occupations, I realize they were actually working toward the same goals. My parents believed that all people, no matter their gender, race, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, occupation or religion (LGBT issues weren’t talked about back then), have a right to a voice or representation “at the table.”

Growing up, I assumed that everyone had a job that was about saving the world. People didn’t just have jobs. They had callings. Looking back, I don’t know how I explained everyone around me whose jobs were intricate in making my life and the lives of others function, like driving a bus or umpiring a baseball game. I also thought that people intrinsically knew what type of work they were meant to do. I thought everyone knew his or her special “how,” how they in particular were meant to save the world, like becoming a doctor, social worker or community organizer.

As an adult, of course, I understand we need people in all types of occupations to make society work. I still believe that if it is in any way possible for one to follow a calling, one should. In fact, a calling isn’t necessarily a special occupation. Your calling as a shoe salesperson could be to serve your customers to the best of your ability with honesty and compassion. Your calling could be that as you interact with the public, whatever your job, to do it with heart. Try to bring the best out of everyone you interact with each day.

Have you met people like that? People who incidentally cross your path and leave you feeling better for having met them? I am warmed even thinking about people like that. A calling can be a specific occupation or simply how you approach any occupation. But, here comes my caveat: if at all possible, find your occupational calling. When all is said and done it will make your life easier regardless how challenging the occupation is.

I had a framework that I used to use when I was teaching. I called it “challenging in a situation of success.” It meant that I believed it was important to challenge each student to reach as far as they could but not so far that there was a high likelihood of failure. It is good to be challenged. It is one of the ways we grow. But, constant failure can be discouraging enough to paralyze a person.

I have found some of my clients affected by ADHD to be occupationally challenging themselves in a situation of likely failure. They take on jobs or careers that play to their historic weaknesses, and they do it for many reasons, including:

• They believe it a safer career choice then the one of their intrinsic interest
• The particular career choice has more jobs available
• The particular career pays better
• There is pressure from family to have a “prestigious” occupation
• They don’t’ perceive their strengths to be valuable; so they choose something they perceive society values instead

This list could go further, but I believe you get the idea. Bottom line is that if you choose a job or career that you are not inclined towards and you have ADHD, the likelihood of being able to hold that job or be successful in that career is not high. Choosing an occupation that is strength or interest-based will more likely lead you to success. The higher paying job will not result in more money if you lose that job. The lower paying job that is right up your alley may result in more money because you are able to stick with it and move up in the organization. The “right” or “smart” job or career choice entirely depends on the individual, his or her interests, strengths, weaknesses, needs and wants.

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When communicating with others, especially when explaining or answering questions about a task or project result, we like to start by setting the scene. I call this the preamble. As in the preamble of the Constitution, we create contexts for our audiences before simply giving the answer. For example, if the answer is twelve, we want to set it up with what “kind” of twelve it is and how we got there, while others would just say “twelve” and leave it at that.

My clients struggle with this. I struggle with this. I believe the majority of us with ADHD are storytellers at heart (at least the hyperactive type), so it is hard for us to communicate our thoughts and ideas without telling a story or giving some sort of preamble. I encourage my clients and myself to do the preamble part in our heads, and then to just verbalize a succinct answer, explanation or thought. This takes a lot of practice and constant vigilance. One way I think about it is to give the bones without the flesh. I know this is a little gross, but for some reason that analogy helps me to remember. I ask myself, what are the bones of my answer? before I speak.

One of my clients asks himself, does it need to be said? and, does it need to be said now? This raises another issue: not everything we think needs to be said aloud. In fact, we often say things that get us into trouble. I find these two questions extremely helpful in avoiding potentially difficult situations that I would inadvertently cause because I spoke without thinking first. In short, we should (i) give direct answers and (ii) ensure that what we say is necessary for our audience.

ABIGAIL WURF, M.ED, PCC

ADHD and Executive Functions Coach

Abigail Wurf, ME.D., PCC, helps professionals, entrepreneurs and small business owners affected by ADHD who are stuck and disorganized in both their work life and personal life move forward into a lifestyle of success.

She does this through one-on-one coaching, exclusive small group coaching, mastermind groups, self-directed programs, webinars/teleseminars, workshops and talks.

One area of focus for Abigail’s work is executive function issues including planning, goal setting, organizing, prioritizing, time management, task initiation, self inhibition, emotional regulation, meta-cognition, focus, working memory and flexibility/shift. People affected by ADHD struggle with many if not all of these issues.

She is a professionally certified coach by the International Coaches Federation (ICF), has a master’s in education and is a board member of the ADHD Coaches Organization.

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