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Intrinsic Interest
- The best way to approach a task or project
- How to solve something that has you stymied
- Who might be good to work with or to delegate what needs to be done
- Figuring out a more efficient process
- Determining how important something is and if you should continue doing it
- Coming up with new ideas and connections to help move you forward
ABIGAIL WURF, M.ED, PCC
ADHD and Executive Functions Coach Abigail Wurf, ME.D., PCC, helps professionals, entrepreneurs and small business owners affected by ADHD who are stuck and disorganized in both their work life and personal life move forward into a lifestyle of success. She does this through one-on-one coaching, exclusive small group coaching, mastermind groups, self-directed programs, webinars/teleseminars, workshops and talks. One area of focus for Abigail’s work is executive function issues including planning, goal setting, organizing, prioritizing, time management, task initiation, self inhibition, emotional regulation, meta-cognition, focus, working memory and flexibility/shift. People affected by ADHD struggle with many if not all of these issues. She is a professionally certified coach by the International Coaches Federation (ICF), has a master’s in education and is a board member of the ADHD Coaches Organization.Your Home Dictates How Much Stuff You Can Accumulate
Space dictates how much stuff you can have. How much you have must be less than what your space can reasonably and comfortably hold. Everything you own must have a home where it lives when you’re not using it, and the more visible its home is, the better.
“Out of sight, out of mind” is especially true for people affected by ADHD. So, give yourself a break, and put things neatly where you can see them.
Only keep as many things as your living space realistically allows. If you bring home something new, get rid of something that is already there, whether older or newer. It is all about usage. It doesn’t matter if an item is brand new. If it doesn’t meet your needs, get rid of it because it simply takes up space.
It’s best to accept that the purchase was a mistake and move forward. Clinging to something that you cannot use, or no longer use, not only wastes space and adds to clutter, but it also compounds your mistake by holding on to it when it serves no purpose.
It is more challenging to have a calm mind in a space filled with clutter. You want your home to be a positive refuge – not a place of agitation.
Try not to fill your home until it is brimming with things because, after all, things do not fulfill your life. In fact, they can actually drag you down. Live lighter! Think of your home as always having the possibility of growth, but only for something that is truly special. And, don’t forget to still get rid of something in exchange for that new, special something!
Abigail Wurf, ME.D., PCC, helps professionals, entrepreneurs and small business owners affected by ADHD who are stuck and disorganized in both their work life and personal life move forward into a lifestyle of success.
She does this through one on one coaching, small exclusive group coaching, mastermind groups, self directed programs, webinars/teleseminars, workshops and speaking presentations.
One area of focus for Abigail’s work is executive function issues including planning, goal setting, organizing, prioritizing, time management, task initiation, self inhibition, emotional regulation, meta-cognition, focus, working memory and flexibility/shift. People affected by ADHD struggle with many if not all of these issues.
She is a professionally certified coach by the International Coaches Federation (ICF), has a master’s in education and is a board member of the ADHD Coaches Organization.
ADHD: No! There is no secret handbook that everyone else has but us!
As an ADHD coach, I work with many professionals and small business owners who struggle both in their work lives and personal lives. What has become clear to me is many of us affected by ADHD believe deep down in our most private thoughts that we are missing the secret handbook, the manual, on how to manage work and life that those without ADHD have.
But here is the truth: there is no secret handbook. Everyone with or without ADHD is pretty much making it up as they go along. Life is complicated for everyone. Our lives just happen to include difficulties with some, or all, executive function skills, such as planning, organizing, prioritizing, goal setting, time management and task initiation, among others.
In fact, sometimes people without ADHD have difficulty with some of these executive functions, though often not in the prolonged, persistent way we do. Aside from that, they are just like us, improvising and dealing with life as it comes.
We sometimes forget this and feel left out of the game of life because we never got the secret to success that everyone else did. But, we now know this is not true, so there is absolutely no reason to not fully participate in the game. You can do it! Through ADHD coaching, I help people everyday revitalize their lives.
Coaching, like anything, only works if the participant is ready and committed. Similarly, your life, both professional and personal, only works if you are entirely engaged, showing up and getting involved.
Don’t hide behind the idea that having ADHD means you lack something essential and holds you back. Only we can hold ourselves back. Live large, ADHD and all, because there is only one you, and you shouldn’t deprive the world of your uniqueness.
Overcoming Turbulence, Overcoming Fear
As I write this, I am on a plane that is experiencing terrible turbulence. This is the second plane I have been on today, and the second flight with turbulence. What I don’t like about turbulence is that lightness you feel in your stomach, similar to being on a roller coaster. Have I mentioned I don’t like roller coasters?
So as you can imagine, I am a bit fearful. Tomorrow, however, I will feel a different type of fear. I will spend the next two days in training, in a room with many successful people, and I do not feel very successful right now. In groups like these, it is important to make a good impression and to soak up as much information as possible in a short amount of time.
I often come to these events wondering how I may contribute to the group, thinking that I had better not say anything because I won’t sound as intelligent as the others. Then, I remember what my clients would say if they could hear my brain talking now. Probably, hypocrite!
As an ADHD coach, I constantly work with people regarding the big “J” word – Judging. We judge ourselves against others and against our own impossible standards. Along with judging comes the big “S” word – Shoulding, as in “I should be doing this” or “I should have done that.” And the final word, the big A word – Assuming, assuming that in all likelihood when things could go any which way for people like us, things will go down. We assume that for us, things always go badly or wrong.
How does this relate to fear? Judging, Shoulding and Assuming are all about fear. That light feeling in our stomachs is survivable partly because we know it is not a permanent feeling. That distressing feeling will diminish until it’s gone. But, while it’s happening, it’s unpleasant and makes us fearful.
ADHD causes us to have a lot of fear deep down inside, and we make it even worse by judging ourselves, berating ourselves about what we should have done and assuming we are less than. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to drop the J, S and A words and be self-aware enough to notice when JSA thoughts are beginning to creep back.
That lightness in the bottom of your stomach from turbulence, and the fear that goes with it, is real. Just as the judgment, shoulding and assuming are real traps we fall into.
One of my solutions to overcome J, S and/or A is to close my eyes and work on relaxing everything in my body so I can calmly question what I am experiencing. That is one of my solutions, what is one of yours? How do you overcome the turbulence in your life regarding J, S and/or A? Leave a comment with your tips and solutions.
ADHD and Careers: What Are Your Work Values
ADHD and Careers: What Are Your Work Values
When looking for a job or more importantly a career, it is important to think about what are your work values. In a book written by Wilma R. Feldman, M.Ed., LPC, called Finding a Career That Works for You: A Step-by-Step Guide to Choosing a Career and Finding a Job 2nd Edition, she lists 64 job values. How she does this is by creating a chart with one value on one end and the opposite on the other end. In between are Very Important, Moderately Important, Not Very Important, Moderately Important and Very Important. So it is a value system of 3, 2, 1, 2, 3. The 3 being most and the 1 being least, some examples from her book are:
| Very Important | Moderately Important | Not Very Important | Moderately Important | Very Important | ||
| work alone | work with others | |||||
| work for organization | self-employment | |||||
| well defined duties | plenty of room for creativity | |||||
| be my own boss | work under someone else | |||||
| help others | work with things or data | |||||
| close supervision | little or not supervision | |||||
| low level responsibility | high level responsibility | |||||
| no critical decisions | make key decisions | |||||
| 35-40 work week | 40+ hour work/weekends | |||||
| guaranteed regular hrs | flexible hours | |||||
| fix things | care for others |
And it continues with whether you are willing to travel, want to make independent decisions, dress codes, work with your hands, earning potential, travel, relocation, retirement and so forth.
I believe the complete list makes one think about issues we usually don’t think about when choosing a career or a job that are vital to our quality of life and satisfaction.
I highly recommend this book and use it with my clients. But make sure you get the second edition and I wouldn’t buy it used because there are lots of activities to do in the book and you might end up getting a copy that is already marked up. This book is a What Color is Your Parachute job book much condensed and explicitly for people with any type of challenge.
Abigail Wurf, M.Ed, CLC
ADHD and Executive Functions Coach
Abigail Wurf works with adults, couples and parents affected by ADHD or executive function issues (see definition below) in a coaching and/or consulting capacities. Her clientele also includes college and graduate students struggling to make it through their programs.
She conducts workshops and speaking presentations on executive function issues such as productivity, planning, prioritizing, goal setting, time management, task initiation, emotional regulation, focus, meta-cognition, working memory, self inhibition and flexibility/shift.
Abigail’s work also includes presentations on ADHD, specific executive functions or theories of executive functions, invisible disabilities, resiliency and motivation.
After the Honeymoon: ADHD and Marriage
After the Honeymoon: ADHD and Marriage
From Charm Offensive to Distracted Defensive
A startling thing happens after getting married to those affected by ADHD. They change.
Let’s say it is the man who has the ADHD, which is statistically more likely. He will be Prince Charming during the courtship period, every woman’s dream. They will do exciting things together. He will be attentive. He is in hunter mode. The ADHD affected person is very stimulated during this part of the relationship. People affected by ADHD like novelty so a new person in their life and a developing relationship is exciting. The unknown makes it attractive.
The ADHD man proposes, the couple marry and things begin to change. That charm offensive that swept the woman away begins to disappear and starts being replaced by someone easily distracted; someone getting wrapped up in new things and ideas; getting distracted for long periods of time on the computer for instance.
This husband can forget things that he is told. He is often late for their commitments. He is impulsive. He may even have difficulty holding down a job.
These things were not apparent when they were courting. How can that be?
People affected by ADHD can be adrenalin junkies. Once they have climbed Mt. Everest the high is over. It is not that they were being inauthentic prior to marriage. The charmer is a part of them but not the whole of them. It is the stimulated part of them. Once settled into marriage it is hard to keep that high going every day in regards to your spouse. Other parts of you appear.
This can be incredibly shocking for the nonADHD spouse. She thought she was marrying one man just to discover, in her mind, she got another. She is dismayed. Feels rejected. The level of attention she has been used to is gone.
What is it she has done wrong? How can she fix it?
Here real work of the marriage comes in. The couple will need to work hard together to keep their marriage stimulating. Additionally, they each will have to adjust to this new reality. For example: she will have to learn it is not personal when he is distracted and he will have to learn to be sensitive to her needs for him to be fully present when they are talking. It will take vigilance on both their parts but improvement is possible.
ADHD and Marriage is hard but it is also possible and rewarding.
Abigail Wurf, M.Ed, CLC
ADHD and Executive Functions Coach
Abigail Wurf works with adults, couples and parents affected by ADHD or executive function issues (see definition below) in a coaching and/or consulting capacities. Her clientele also includes college and graduate students struggling to make it through their programs.
She conducts workshops and speaking presentations on executive function issues such as productivity, planning, prioritizing, goal setting, time management, task initiation, emotional regulation, focus, meta-cognition, working memory, self inhibition and flexibility/shift.
Abigail’s work also includes presentations on ADHD, specific executive functions or theories of executive functions, invisible disabilities, resiliency and motivation.