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DC ADHD Support Groups Beginning
No Smoking!
Many ADHD people self-medicate through alcohol, drugs and smoking. Yes, I put smoking in the same group as drugs because nicotine is an addictive substance. While it may calm you temporarily, it will kill you in the end. 50% of ADHD people smoke at some point, and it hurts them in more than the obvious medical ways. And once you start, it is hard to quit. So don’t start! Among the non-medical ways smoking hurts is that it often defines who becomes and stays your friends, whether you get a job (they can smell it on you) or get picked for an athletic team. It is simple: don’t start, even if some of your peers do.
If you do smoke, get help now. The sooner the better. The longer you smoke the harder it will be to quit. Here is something a lot of people don’t think about, not only can you die of smoking, but it can cause you to die of other much less life threatening illnesses. Smoking compromises your body so greatly that you can be sick from something else and because your body, especially your respiratory system, is so damaged by smoking, it can cause complications and lead to death. But there is some good news. Even if you have smoked for a awhile quitting can add years to your life.
I know I sound like I am on a mission and maybe in a way I am. ADHD people are susceptible to addictive substances and I have personally watched the harm smoking can do. If not for yourself, do it for your family. Get some help, fight the battle and quit. And if you don’t smoke, don’t start. And support someone who is trying to stop. It is really hard.
ADHD-Finding and Keeping Friends
Finding and keeping friends can be hard for people with ADHD for many reasons. Some of these include a tendency to interrupt when others are speaking; lack of follow-up or follow-through; constantly being late; inability to provide undivided attention to another person; and the existence of co-morbidities like depression or OCD.
To meet other people, really push yourself to get involved with activities that play to your strengths. If after you get to know somebody, a problem arises, apologize, explain and together seek compromises that play to your assets, not your weaknesses. Don’t make make promises you can’t possibly keep, like “I will never be late again.” One example of a good compromise is to have your friend call to remind you when to leave for an activity together. Your compromise is to thank them for the call and leave immediately.
A coach can help you brainstorm about possible activities you might get involved in to meet other people and what to do if issues arise. Also, how to help you move from that meet and greet stage to friendship stage in a smooth and easy manner. We, ADHD people, tend to sometimes barrel right in when a more circumspect approach would be the best method.
2 articles on Coaching by Doctor
Here is a link to an interview on NPR with a doctor about the value of coaching. In the interview is a link to a New Yorker article the doctor wrote about his own coaching experience and the development of coaching though music and sports. Both good reads.
http://www.npr.org/2011/09/27/140849085/pro-athletes-have-coaches-why-not-everyone-else
Coaching Chronic Pain & Illness
What does coaching have to do with chronic pain and illness? You may ask this and think “I am suffering, leave me alone.” Or “I have a doctor, what else do I need?”
Coaching is about taking an active roll in improving the quality of your life whether you are sick or well. In coaching, goals are set and plans are made to achieve them. When you are ill or in pain for any extended period of time, that is a chronic situation. In chronic situations we tend to put aside our goals or fail to adjust our goals to our new realities. As the saying goes, “I may be down but I’m not out.” We tend to put the time that we are ill or in pain as a time out from the rest of our living whether that time period is temporary or the rest of our lives.
Coaching can help make the time that we are “down” as “lived” time also. First is figuring out what your needs are. Second is making sure there is a good team behind you, supporting you. That team can include medical staff, family, friends, social services and employers, if you still work. Then it is matching the people to the needs.
Some examples of questions that can come up during coaching include:
Can I still work if there are some accommodation made by my employer?
Do I need to see the doctor every time I need, for example:my blood pressure checked, or are there cheaper alternatives?
How do I prevent becoming isolated because I am no longer working and I can not drive to see my friends?
How do I find someone affordable help do the things I can no longer do?
Are their any support groups for people like me?
Is their some other profession I can look into that would work better with my current level of ability?
What is the appropriate amount of information to give out to family, friends or employers?
What type of self-care can I do to keep my spirits up despite my physical condition(s)?
What do I do if I get conflicting treatment plans from different doctors?
How coaching works is through a process of inquiry, the coach helps the client define goals and objectives. Once that is done, the same process is use to develop plans and processes to accomplish the goals. The answers are within the client and the coach provides questions and support to elicit them.
Being ill or in chronic pain can be a lonely place even if your are surrounded by well meaning family and friends. Though sincere is their wishes to be supportive, they are not objective in their advice and have needs of their own. A coach can help you be the mediator of your new lifestyle whether it is temporary or permanent. Life can still be productive and full!
ADD/ADHD – A Gift?
In any group of people there are going to be different opinions about big and small things. In the ADHD community a big difference of opinion is to whether ADHD is a gift or not. There is a faction that believe ADHD should be presented as a gift and this builds self esteem. There is the other side that believes ADHD should be firmly planted in the disability realm.
Now I understand what the gift group is trying to do, especially by their claims that ADHD people tend to be more creative. They are trying to build the self esteem of the people diagnosed with ADHD, especially the young ones, who have had their esteem battered away by their negative experiences in life due to their undiagnosed ADHD. It is a good intention but it sets up false expectations. These young people are going to find out that there are plenty of creative people without ADHD. They are going to find out that this gift is a gift that means working harder and longer, battling attention deficit and lack of motivation.
Why not just say from the beginning you have a disability just one that isn’t visible to the naked eye. And like any one with a disability you do the best you can with what you have got. That life isn’t about what you can’t do but what you can do. The journey of your life will be discovering what you can do and how you can do it. Your main goal is figuring out what you want to do and going after that dream.