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Those affected by ADHD have a higher likelihood of addiction than those not affected by ADHD. Addictions could include alcohol, smoking, drugs, gambling, internet, food, sex and shopping to name a few of the most obvious ones. A reason why some people affected by ADHD start addictive behaviors is that it is self-medication, something that at some level soothes them and their symptoms or so they think. Many of my clients struggle with alcohol issues. Some are alcoholics and others simply are drinking to an extent that it is having a negative impact on their life and the lives around them. “The Continuum of Substance Abuse” from Wendy Richardson’s book “When Too Much Isn’t Enough” breaks usage into five groups;

Abstinence – Abstains from any use, which is a choice.

Experimentation – Trying out alcohol or drugs once or twice to see how they affect you.

Social and Recreational – Using drinks or drugs at social occasions with other people; the purpose is not to get drunk or high but rather to be social or celebrate.

Overindulging and Abuse – Not just social use but attempting to alter feelings, forget pain, or feel better. People with untreated ADHD are at higher risk than those who are under treatment.

Addiction – Loss of control and cannot stop using despite the negative consequences to one’s life.

Adapted from pages 36-38 of “When Too Much Isn’t Enough” The problem with being affected by ADHD is that we tend to have poor impulse control that can cause us to act before thinking about the implications of our actions. We have trouble regulating ourselves. If you are worried about your alcohol consumption and/or others are saying you should worry, don’t make it easy to obtain the alcohol. In other words don’t just automatically keep your home stocked with alcohol. Make it so that you have to go out and get it if you feel like it. It increases the likelihood that you can ride through the impulse until it leaves you. Some of us start drinking simply out of boredom. Make it harder to allow that to happen. If you do find that your drinking is having negative consequences in your life, get help immediately. The longer you wait, the more entrenched the behavior will become. Drinking can be a sort of self-medicating of ADHD symptoms. Unfortunately it is not a sustainable or productive way to manage ADHD symptoms and has too many downsides. If you are concerned about addiction, whether it be alcohol or other damaging behavior you might want to check out Wendy Richardson’s book, “When Too Much Isn’t Enough: Ending the Destructive Cycle of AD/HD and Addictive Behavior.”  

Many people are resistant to goals setting. But if you are affected by ADHD you are more likely to be resistant to setting goals. I have no scientific data to support this opinion. All I can say is 100% of my clients past and present struggle with goal setting.

Nonetheless, I believe goal setting is important. And if you don’t like the idea of setting goals, think in terms of setting intentions. Goal setting helps you to:

• Achieve milestones or goals that you desire over a period of time
• Have a clear direction as to what to do next to get where you want to go
• Have focus
• Move your life forward
• Have clarity on what you want

Unfortunately, those of us affected by ADHD struggle with the concept and/or act of setting goals I think because we don’t believe we can achieve our goals. Often our personal history gets in our way because we are more acutely aware of goals we didn’t achieve as opposed to goals we did achieve. The over hanging senses of failure and frustration that commonly dog people affected by ADHD is hard to overcome.

Partly, I believe, because we often take things too literally. As the saying goes “The only constant is change.” The act of writing down and committing to a goal is important but it is equally important that as time moves forward, one’s goal has to move forward as well. This means making adjustments as needed by being responsive to whatever factors affect the initial goal.

The problem is that we see adjustments or re-calibrations to a goal as failure when in truth it is responsiveness and “attentional.” What you know when you first set a goal is not the same as what you know weeks or months into working toward the goal. The more informed you are by your experience, the more likely your goals will change as you progress forward with your life.

Stop seeing that as failure. Write down your goals and if need be do it in pencil so you can easily adjust as you go along use one. Sometimes after setting a goal we realize that it was not realistic for us. That is OK. Live and learn. The only one who needs to know if you have abandoned a goal is you and it is not failure. It simply means the goal you set out to achieve is not going to happen at least in the short term. Move on.

When I wrote my book, “Forget Perfect: How to Succeed in Your Profession and Personal Life Even if You Have ADHD” I thought it would take me about 4 months. In reality it took me almost a year. My goal was set on the foundations of ignorance. I simply had no idea what it took to write a book. That is not failure. Let go of unrealistic timelines as failure. What was important is that I got the book done and am satisfied with the result.

Could I have done it quicker – probably. Could it be better – probably. None of that matters if I am satisfied with my outcome, the book got done and is in the ballpark as to what I imagined it would be. Success!

Studs Terkel’s book “Working: People Talk About What They Do All Day and How They Feel About What They Do,” was originally published in 1972 but its message still resonates today.

Here’s a short excerpt from the introduction of the book It is a quote from one of the people interviewed and featured in the book. Her name is Nora Watson whose job was writing literature for a health care institution. She was the daughter of a preacher.

“Nora Watson may have said it most succinctly. ‘I think most of us are looking for a calling, not a job. Most of us, like the assembly line worker, have jobs that are too small for our spirit. Jobs are not big enough for people.’”

This quote has always stayed in the back of my mind ever since I read it in college in the late 1980s. I grew up with parents who didn’t just have jobs but were pursuing callings. My father was a labor organizer and civil rights activist and my mother was a lobbyist for gender equality and juvenile justice issues. Prior to that she also worked in the labor movement. That is how my parents met.

Growing up it didn’t occur to me some people just had a job where they clocked into in the morning and clocked out in the evening. I thought everyone found work that they loved and were inspired by a calling.

But that is not true.

It can make a real difference to have a calling. My first jobs out of college were working in arts administration. It was an interest of mine because I loved the arts especially dance. I had danced since I was a child. It was an activity that lit me up from within.

I didn’t do that well in those arts administration jobs. I was actually laid off from my first job post college.

In my early twenties, I met a fellow dancer at my next arts administration job. We decided to leave the organization we worked for and start a dance and drama studio and we did it. She was in a dance company that I soon got involved with. I loved the teaching and choreographing. I was all in.

Unfortunately, when I was thirty, I had a back surgery that did not go well. I ended up with chronic pain and balance problems. I had to quite dancing and could not longer teach dance. This was hard because dancing was my intrinsic interest so I had no trouble being motivated to get my work done.

So I decided to go to graduate school while I worked on re-habilitation of my body to see if I would dance again. The answer turned out to be no. However, graduate school was the best I ever did academically.

After graduate school I really struggled to figure out what to do. I worried that if I didn’t find something else of intrinsic interest I would fail. Having ADHD makes it hard to get things done. I was scared to work in a job that didn’t inspire me. I felt I would fail.

Here I was without a job, with some physical limitations. I realized one of the reasons I was successful in graduate school was because I had some coaching. I thought about coaching as my new calling. I could do it from home or over the computer or phone that would allow me to have some control over how long I sat, when I could lay down, etc.

So I got trained as a coach. In the process I learned about ADHD coaching and that became my new occupation. Dance was dance, and indescribably important to me. But I found out that I also loved coaching those affected by ADHD. I had an intrinsic interest and once I knew about the field, I felt called to become a coach and work on my own.

While being an entrepreneur was scary, a third of those affected by ADHD become entrepreneurs by their early thirties. This is contrasted to the 14% of the general population that become entrepreneurs.

Not everyone should work for themselves. It is risky and scary.

For those of you not interested in starting your own business, please at least try to find a job that has at least a great level of intrinsic interest. As I said before and we all know – we struggle to get our work done, working in a job of little interest to you just makes it even harder.

You probably won’t like all aspects of your job but that is true for entrepreneurs and just about anyone who works. But if there are certain aspects you enjoy and care about it will be easier to get the work done. That will make your work environment more pleasant.

Whenever possible seek out positions that are of great interest to you. We struggle with just working 9 to 5 where we are not enthused about what we are doing. It just makes it that much harder to be successful.

You spend a lot of time at work, make sure it is enjoyable if possible. Seek a calling versus a job if possible.

Many people struggle with procrastination. Sometimes seems it is an epidemic. There are numbers of reasons people procrastinate. A major reason is fear. This fear plays out in many ways. To name just three:

There is the fear that once you start the project or action it is no longer the perfect ideal in your head simply because you are human and perfection is impossible.

There is the fear that you won’t be able to do the project or action properly. Better not to start and continue to think about it.

There is the fear that you can’t complete the project or action. So why bother to start.

Unfortunately, we often don’t know how to stop the fear and get the project or action done because we often don’t realize that fear is what is stopping us. What I find so interesting is that if you don’t start your project or action it will not be perfect, done properly or completed. It is guaranteed failure.

No one can say, “stop being scared” and expect that to relieve someone of their fears. Instead, I approach projects and actions I am procrastinating on with the strong belief that I will not do it perfectly. Maybe, I won’t even do the project or action well. What I can do is simply accept that and free myself of perfectionistic tendencies and simply start.

Starting is hard because we get stuck thinking about the end. Instead simply start with the first step and proceed to the next step with the intention to get to the next step after each step you complete. Do not worry if you can do it. If a step stymies you simply ask for help for that specific step and continue to the next step. This is instead of worrying if you can complete the project or action. Simply follow from one step to the next step and on. This involves putting metaphorical horse blinders on that part of your brain that worries and is anxious regarding the whole project or action.

None of what I am writing is rocket science or anything you don’t already know but sometimes naming things and going out of one’s way to acknowledge them helps us move past them. Focus on one task – the first step.

I have stopped using computer calendars. I know I am committing heresy. The most fundamental reason is that it is quicker. When I am scheduling appointments with my clients, I am always waiting on them while they finish entering the information into their phone, that is after they have opened to the right app.

In my paper calendar there is a page holder/ruler that I move from one week to the next so all I do is open my calendar and I am ready to write.

Another reason I use a paper calendar is because I am a visual learner I believe. And time is not my friend. I find it difficult to estimate how long things will take and how to remember the soft items that need to occur on any particular day. Having a paper calendar that the top half is where my to do tasks are noted and then the bottom half the actual calendar part helps me see when I can fit soft things in between the hard stops of appointments.

When I used a computer calendar, I didn’t like how the soft tasks were visually separate from actual appointments. I also like seeing my week in full when I look at the calendar appointments and to do tasks all in one place for the week.

In addition there was the “fade to black” issue. With my paper calendar, I can have it open all the time at my elbow making it harder to forget things. When I used a computer calendar the screen would fade to black when not in use and I would simply forget what the next appointment or task I was supposed to be doing within moments of the calendar no longer being visible.

There are two drawbacks in using a paper calendar. The first is you have to carry it around in addition to your phone. This is a real drawback, especially because the calendar I use could be considered large but I like all the space to write things down and easily be read.

The second drawback is that once you write something down you can’t erase it so the paper calendar ends up being a mess when plans change. The way around that is that I only write down things in pencil on my calendar so that I can easily make changes.

Finally, another reason I like my paper calendar is because I can look back and easily re-construct days and weeks including “to do” tasks in moments that may have happened a while ago. This is something I do to jog my memory about things.

The calendar I use and I suggest for my clients is called the Planner Pad at http://bit.ly/2uRHiPL. I like the way the page is broken up for hard and soft tasks and appointments. It comes in three sizes. The last few years I have used the middle size but now I have moved to the biggest size because I wanted more space to write.

Whatever you use, paper or computer, the key is to use it consistently. Put everything in it. And check it often.

In order to talk about being late, I must first talk about Magical Thinking. A version of Magical Thinking often has to do with time.

It is Monday morning and you are running an hour behind on your appointments and task list. Magical Thinking dictates that you will catch up and accomplish everything you planned for that day without making any adjustments to your schedule or task list and still end up on time to your last meeting or appointment.

In reality when we have been unrealistic how long things take to get done, we get behind on our plan for the day. Just hoping it will work out anyway. Magical Thinking.

Instead we need to be constantly re-evaluating our time throughout our day. If I am running late by an hour then I need to find a way to either remove the equivalent of an hour worth of task(s) from my list or re-schedule an appointment that equals at least the value of one hour.

For many, this is hard to do. We prefer to think that if we just push a little harder everything will work out. And actually it may but it may not. What this can translate into is being late on projects and/or appointments. The results being that we can cause someone to have to wait for us.

Now here is the kicker, we consciously or unconsciously prefer that someone waits for us rather than “waste our time” being early and waiting on them. Try to avoid this scenario using the following time management tips:

• Look at your calendar the night before to figure out how you want the next day to play out.
• Look at your calendar in the morning to make sure you know what you have to do that day.
• If you are nervous about missing an appointment, set your phone alarm to remind you when you need to leave for the appointment.
• Keep your bag packed and near the door so you can grab it and go. This means if you remove something from your bag while at home, you must be sure to put it back in the bag as soon as possible.
• Estimate how long it will take to get you somewhere based on the longest time it has ever taken rather than the shortest time it has ever taken.
• Make sure to budget enough time for you to get out the door.
• Always have something with you to do so if you are early you can use that time productively.
• If you do end up being late, apologize briefly and move on. Don’t waste someone’s time going through all the in’s and out’s of why you were late. Most don’t care and you are just wasting more of their time.