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As an ADHD coach I work with many people who struggle with both organizing their stuff and getting rid of their extra stuff. Most people affected by ADHD tend to accumulate too much stuff. I am definitely one of those people. Recently I hired an organizer to help me. The condo I live in is going on the market and I had to clear out a lot of stuff to make the place ready to be shown. I was struggling to do this by myself. The realtor suggested an organizer she often works with. To be honest I was a little skeptical because many of my clients have worked with organizers with mixed success. Usually the organizer was very helpful but after the organizer was done helping them my clients struggled to maintain their newly organized space long-term. I have always felt that if you were going to hire a professional organizer that you should find one who would arrange intermittent follow-up sessions to help maintain your space the way you want it. So I hired the professional organizer that my realtor suggested. She and her colleagues were a great help. We cleared out a second bedroom that had turned into a neglected storage unit. Initially she said to me that the quicker I made decisions the quicker the job would be done. I feel this was really important. Organizers usually charge based on time so before the organizer came I walked around the room and made basic decisions about what types of things I would get rid of. The room in question was mostly full of supplies from crafts and hobbies I had worked on over the years. I realized I had to evaluate realistically which crafts and hobbies I was actually still doing and which had fallen by the wayside. This really helped. Once the organizers came I still had to make decisions but the big decisions had already been done. If you are going to hire an organizer be sure to get a quote first. This involves their coming to look at the area(s) to be organized and then sending you a quote. This is free. It is best to hire certified professional organizers who are members of NAPO. This assures that they have gone through a training program and know what they are doing. There are even organizers who have had extra training on how to work with people affected by ADHD. Upfront be as clear as possible what your goals are. For me it was to clear out my second bedroom to prepare the condo to go on the market. It is best to hire an organizer who removes the stuff that you are getting rid of. As people affected by ADHD we struggle with follow through. Ending up with garbage bags and boxes everywhere that you have to get rid of is not a good idea. A couple of years ago I sorted out twelve boxes of books to give away or sell. Those boxes were in my place for months before I finally did something about them. The organizer I hired and her staff not only carted the stuff away but also tried to find new homes for as many of the items as possible. It was easier to get rid of stuff I knew was going to be useful for someone else. I was pleased that they found places that could use my art supplies. Be sure to track the time the organizers are spending with you. If you have a budget you don’t want to get a surprise bill. Each time after they left I noted down the date and how many hours they spent with me. When I got the final bill not only was it close to the original estimate, it wasn’t a surprise. If you are tracking the time and the project is bigger than expected you can stop them before they go over their estimate. Also find out in advance how they take payment. If they don’t take credit cards be sure you have enough cash in your account to pay whatever method they take. In my case they took checks. To hire a professional organizer try to get a referral from someone who has worked with the organizer before. You want someone preferably with experience working with people affected by ADHD and who is nice and patient. If you are struggling to find someone, look up NAPO’s list of organizers. Interview a few. You need someone you are comfortable with when going through your stuff. Ask for references and follow up with them. If you can’t afford a professional organizer, try to find a friend who is highly organized and set some ground rules on how you want to work, what you want to accomplish and how much time you are willing to put in. That way the task doesn’t become unending. Be sure to do something to show your appreciation of their time and support after you all are done.

I was listening to a podcast called ”How I Built This” which interviews entrepreneurs. Guy Raz, the host, was interviewing David Neeleman. I was interested in the interview because David Neeleman is affected by ADHD. He is probably best known for founding Jet Blue.

One of the things he talked about was his ability to see simple solutions to complicated problems. During meeting people would discuss complicated ways of doing things and he would see a way to cut through a lot of twists and turns and find simple solutions.

We tend to make things more complicated than they need to be often in life and discount simple solutions. Or we come up with complicated systems when a simpler one will do.

The example for me that always comes to mind is many years ago before online bill paying, I had files for each company that sent me a bill. My bills would pile up because it was a pain to file them. It took time. Finally someone suggested instead of a file for every billing company why not just have one file for bills. As the bill got paid it would go into the file. Making it simpler to file and more likely to happen. At first I argued that what if I needed to find a bill it would take forever. They pointed out that the bills would be in close to chronological order so if I needed to find a particular bill it wouldn’t take to long. Additionally it wasn’t that often that one needed to go back like that. Further it was better than not filling them at all and making it much harder to find anything. I adopted the new system and my bills were filed in a timely manner much more often. Also it was easy if I needed to find an old bill to simply go to the file and look at the dates to find it.

Many people with ADHD make complicated systems to solve organizational problems that they are unable to maintain. As I have said before KISS – keep it simple “sweetheart.” The simplest solution is often the best for us because it is usually easier to maintain.

Another type of simplification I have been thinking about is how often to expect myself to do something. Meaning what do I need to do weekly and what can I do less often. For example I need to grocery shop weekly but I don’t need to pay my bills weekly. Now I pay my bills once a month. I write in my calendar a reminder so I don’t forget. For others simplification may mean putting as many bills on automatic payment as possible so they don’t have to worry about remembering.

Simplification may also mean looking into farming out tasks you never seem to get done. For many of my clients this may mean looking into hiring someone or a service to do such things as cleaning or laundry. Not everyone can afford to do this on a regular basis but even occasionally might be helpful. For example you don’t need to necessarily hire someone to come weekly to clean but maybe once a month or every other month might help you simplify and keep up with the cleaning tasks.

For me, I really struggled with keeping up with the bookkeeping of my business. So I hired someone to do it. It was hard to afford her in the beginning but it was worth sacrificing in other areas to afford her. It simplified a great deal for me and reduced a lot of stress I was feeling.

Take a moment to look at the tasks you are not getting done. Are your systems too complicated? Could they be simpler? Are there tasks you could stop doing or do less frequently? Could you trade, barter or pay to get some of these things taken care of? Just something to think about!

Part 4: Getting Un-Stuck

This is the fourth installment in a series of blogs about my down-sizing and moving. Last time I talked about ADHD and resistance. Sometimes things get beyond resistance and become paralysis. You get stuck. A lot of people talk about ADHD and feelings of overwhelm. The overwhelm can cause you to stop moving forward. That is what happened to me. I got stuck not only with clearing out my stuff to prepare the condo to show but stuck elsewhere as well. I even stopped blogging for a couple of months.

I knew it was time to call in some help so in December I called in an organizer to help me mainly clear out my second bedroom which had basically become a storage room. I also had her and her associates help me with a few other areas in my condo. Now we didn’t clear out everything but got rid of enough stuff that the condo is now on the market.

Some of my clients have worked with organizers with mixed results. I found the experience helpful and successful and will work with them again in the future when the condo sells and I need to move since I will be down-sizing. I will write a separate blog post on working with organizers and how to maximize the experience.

What I want to communicate now is that I got stuck and when I realized I was not making progress I called in help. That is what we have to do when we get stuck. Get some support whether it is from friends, family, colleagues or professionals. Going it alone and remaining stuck can be detrimental to us and frustrating. Most people are willing to help out if you are clear and specific with what type of help you need. Don’t just say I need help but what kind of help. Don’t be embarrassed we all need help at different points in our lives. The key is to look for opportunities to reciprocate so you don’t always feel like you are the only one asking for help in a relationship.

 

Part 3: Resistance

This is the third installment in a series of blogs about my down-sizing and moving. Down-sizing and moving is hard for anyone to do but particularly hard for those of us affected by ADHD. What I am confronting now is my struggle to contact people for necessary services. For example, I live in a condo so there is a maintenance staff available to do repairs. In order to get the condo in shape to sell some things need to be fixed.

My first step was to clear away stuff and furniture blocking access to what needs to be fixed. It is quite a list. My struggle comes from contacting the condo staff to arrange the repairs. It is complicated. I don’t know a lot of things that I am kind of scared to ask. Like what repairs fall under the condo being responsible and what repairs I will need to pay for. Also scheduling is a bit of a bear because I see some of my clients in person at my condo and can’t have maintenance coming through while I am with a client. For some reason I feel guilty that I need the repairs that I did something wrong.

All this comes down to my not making the call or going to the condo office to talk to them. Those of us affected by ADHD often struggle with making calls and requests. A lot of us tend to feel intrusive when making a call. We don’t know what is going to happen during the call that makes us nervous too. What if we are asked something we don’t have an answer for?

I know I am procrastinating about getting the maintenance work started. I think I am embarrassed at all the stuff and mess I have in my two bedrooms where much of the work needs to be done. Intellectually I know whoever comes to do the work not only don’t care but have probably seen worse in their career. I am also embarrassed that I have lived with some of these problems for a while without getting them fixed. Probably making some of the problems worse and that embarrasses me also.

Knowing I have to get things started I have come up with a plan that I think will work for me. It is not the most efficient plan but I am more comfortable with it and will more likely follow through with it. That is the most important part – that I will follow through. Instead of going to the condo office with my long list of all the repairs I need done, I will go down and ask for maintenance to fix one problem that is in both my bedrooms. I could do the whole long list but I can feel my resistance to giving the whole list to them. We have to pay attention when we feel resistance. It often deters us from taking action. When we feel this resistance the best way I know around it is to either break it down in to smaller chunks that we can ease our way into which is what I am going to do. Or get some help from someone else to break through the barrier your resistance is causing.

Back to the trenches for me.

Until next week…

Part 2: I Must Be Ruthless!

I need to adopt a new attitude with myself – that of ruthlessness. As I mentioned in my last blog I am in the process of sorting out my stuff and packing it up for the condo I live in to go on the market. It needs to be ready to show. I have way too much stuff so a lot has to go and a lot has to be packed up. To further complicate the situation, after the condo sells I will be moving to a one bedroom after living in a two bedroom for over ten years. So not only do I need to be ruthless about packing up but also about what I am going to keep and what I am going to toss, donate and sell.

Being a packrat is common for those affected by ADHD. We also struggle with decision-making unless it is a crisis and then we are often great at decision-making. Sorting out stuff is a lot about decision-making – what to keep and what to get rid of. I have also discovered this last week that I really struggle with getting rid of things that were gifts. I feel that if someone went to the trouble of gifting me something I should treasure it. This gets in the way of being ruthless about what to get rid of because not every gift we receive is on the mark or needed.

Sorting stuff out also involves perseverance another thing that can be difficult for those affected by ADHD. Especially if it is a mundane activity which sorting out your stuff certainly is. The best way I know how to solve this is to have a shadow buddy. A shadow buddy is someone who shadows you like job shadowing. This person just keeps you company and on track while you work. When there is someone else involved we tend to get more done. I try to ask family members first with the caveat that they are to be a supportive and benign force. In other, not tell me what to do unless I solicit their advice.

If not a family member than a friend works as well and depending on your family maybe better. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for the support. Just make sure there is reciprocity. For example offer to help them clear out something they have been meaning to do. Or take them out to dinner as a thank you for their time. It is up to you to make sure that you are not just taking up your friend’s time but giving something back. Some of my clients know others who are also affected by ADHD like them. They often trade shadow buddying for each other. If you don’t have anyone in your life that can support you like this an alternative is hiring a professional organizer. It does cost money but can be helpful.

Back to the trenches for me.

Until next week…

Part 1: A tentative plan to de-clutter my stuff

This is the beginning of a multi-part blog that I plan to write over the next few weeks. I was telling my colleague that the condo I live in is going on the market and so I need to clear out my stuff to get it ready for showings then pack up my stuff and get ready to move once it sells. It is complicated that I will be living in the condo while it is being shown. I have to clear out a lot of stuff just to get it ready for the condo to be shown. As I am affected by ADHD you can make the assumption that my place is a mess. I won’t be offended. I am also a packrat. My colleague had the idea to share my experiences of getting organized, de-cluttered, staged and ultimately packed up.

When I realized that all this was going to happen and quickly I started to panic a little. Then I reminded myself that like many with ADHD, I am usually good in a crisis. And this feels like a crisis because of the timing. We want to get the condo on the market quickly because the closer to the holidays the market slows down. That makes sense but the fact that as I write this it is the first week of October means time is limited.

I have lived for 10 years in this condo so I have accumulated a lot of stuff to sort through. One of my first actions was to do a little research about showing a place and it made me realize two things. First a lot of my stuff needs to be moved out for the condo to show well. Second that it would be a trap to spend too much time researching and not taking action quickly. All this is further complicated by the fact that I am in a two bedroom and plan to move to a one bedroom. Not only does a lot need to be packed up. A lot needs to be donated, sold and tossed. All this takes time and organizational skills – both of which I in short supply of.

My colleague I mentioned earlier gave me a tip, actually more of a reminder – forget perfect. That is the title of a book I wrote in 2015 about living with ADHD, “Forget Perfect: How to Succeed in Your Profession and Personal Life Even if You Have ADHD,” https://abigailwurf.com/writing/. Unfortunately the book doesn’t cover moving.

It is an important tip – forget perfect – because many of us affected by ADHD get caught up in creating systems to do things that are more complicated than they need to be. We spend too much time working out the perfect system and then not enough time taking action. Just like I could have gotten caught up in researching about all I have to do when a little research goes a long way and taking immediate action is most important.

My next steps were to make lists:

What needs to be sorted?

What needs to be sold?

What needs to be donated?

What needs to be tossed?

What needs to go into storage until I move?

There is an additional list I have made and that is of all the different categories of items that all this has to happen to. Such as clothing, books, paper work, art supplies, kitchen items, etc. This way like things will stay grouped together and organized. This will help make unpacking easier. Also as I finish each category I can cross it off my list.

The sorting takes place first because it will inform what needs to be tossed, donated, sold and packed up. All of these lists will be modified as I go along. They are works in progress.

While I am doing all this I will need to find out how I will sell the items to be sold, where which items will be donated and where to toss all the discarded items that can’t be donated or sold. Also I will need to find temporary storage for the items that I decide to keep but are too much clutter to keep in the condo while it is being shown.

I think the key is to have a plan but not get too caught in creating the perfect plan because that takes too much time and doesn’t get things happening quickly enough. We often get caught up in how we are going to do something and never end up actually doing it.

Until next week…